I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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