Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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