Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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