she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
