How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
two words...techno handjob
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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