I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
