She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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