i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
how does that bad decision feel?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
