Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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