my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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