y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
