he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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