He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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