I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize