Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
