I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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