I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
one might say we're banned from that church
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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