Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
