They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
