its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
