I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
