...so i touched it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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