WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
