I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
