I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
