Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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