I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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