Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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