Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
