bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
