I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
