Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
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