she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
well you can't waste a boner
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
