I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
