I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we're so committed to being not committed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
