Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
