Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
