So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
