You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
