The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
