Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
