i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I look better un-naked...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
