I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
