You're my little dorito
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Text me some of your sweat
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
