Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
