A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
