3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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