ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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