But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
