how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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