Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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