Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
